It is not often I discuss anything related to real-life on my blog, in fact I don’t think I ever have. However recently I received some news of one of those cases where RL thrusts itself into SL in the worst of ways. News of an SL friends RL Death.
Her name was Ame, she roleplayed a Kajira (slave-girl) in SL Gor. Her Master was Courgan Barzane. I RPed with her a few times, but there were others that knew her a lot better than me, so I am leaving the better words up to them.
(Click images to enlarge)
Here I include the comments of those that attended the Memorial gathering on 23rd August 2020. Although I made my own notes of what was said, I am reproducing the comments and pictures provided by Courgan as he distributed copy inworld.
There is a lot to read if you choose,but it just goes to show how much people can care about those they will never meet in the physical wold.
(This next paragraph was going to go at the end of the post, but that would assume you read it all and I doubt people that didn’t know her will do that.)
As you can(will) see, ame was loved by many. I know those that don’t use SL will find it hard to comprehend that people build relationships like this with people they will never meet. However the words speak for themselves I feel. Anyone can look however they want to look in SL, so when you’re interacting with them, their visual appearance is mostly a small factor. You are communicating with a real person, the inner person,not their visual appearance. The lack of physical cues or facial expressions (although we can now do those with Bento to some degree) makes the words more meaningful.
“Hello all and thank you for coming to ame’s memorial. I know for sure, it would have meant a lot for her. Otherwise her friend would have not felt obliged to come and inform us, if not her sl family, which were the exact words, meant that much to her.
Even in a family, people tend to bicker and fight now and then, so some of you had your share in clashing with her when she was in the mood for such. But one thing I know for sure as well, she was impulsive but had no dark spot in her heart at all. And trying hard to restrain herself in the last year, which is all you can ask for.
She made even me gnaw my teeth often enough in the first months of our way together, but now, with every passing day since the moment I heard the sad truth, I am more and more realizing what I, what we all have lost with her.
Another friend of her, Ricka, asked me when I informed him “how is it a person we never knew in rl can affect us so much?”. I did not answer that then, but thought about it and know now why:
It’s when they have a great heart. Many here come and go without us caring, so someone must be special if we are affected that much by their going.
My own history with her began over 12 years ago in Cardonicus, where she had been one of the girls there while I did my best to keep the foe outside the walls. Those, who have been there, know the special bond which connects still today all oldtimers from that city.
Over the years, our paths crossed often in places I held or/and built, from the woods of Cardonicus and village of Piedmont, over the resurrected Piedmont of 2014 to the various instances of the Forest of Gor. Until on the 30th of June 2018 she came to me, as she just lost her Master and was feeling alone and lost.
That day I took her under my wings until she found a “more suitable master in her own timezone”. Little did I know on that day that she would wear my collar gladly until her dying day.
Being in different time zones does not make it easy and I still think she would have deserved someone here for her with more time than I could manage, she had to spend so much time in waiting for me to log in, but in the end she claimed she was very happy and that must be the most important thing.
I knew she was sick,
I knew she was sicker than she wanted to make us believe. This was the third time in the last 2 years she was in hospital after all, but all we heard made us hope, she would come back again.
But it did not happen and so we got the sad news that she lost her fight finally.
Even now I still have a hard time to grasp that we won’t see her again doing her mischief, having her sit on my lap and telling me excited the latest news or showing her newest acquisitions of hair or clothes.
The group shows last log on on the 18th of August, but we all know it was not her anymore, it was just her toon. But as with all our toons, not the pixels count, but the one at the keyboard. And that had her last direct words to me on 4th of June, just before she had to leave her house for hospital.
If I only knew then that it were to be our last words, I would have said so much more than “get better” and give her a kiss. But I was convinced to see her just a few days later from her bed on her laptop.
Small things do indeed matter as we saw. She took the notebook with her to stay in contact, but wrecked it first day by spilling coffee over it.
Who can say for sure, that it would not have made a difference for her fight, if she had our support mentally during the long weeks in hospital?
In any case she would have had the chance to stay longer in contact to her sl family, which would have been so important to her, the one thing we can know for sure.
So we only can hope that her third life treats her better than her first and that she sits now in heaven in a flower patch between the beloved butterflies, just like the spots you will see nearly everywhere in this sim if you care to look closer, waiting for her return that will not happen anymore.
So I placed her picture up here into a flower field and gave her butterflies to watch and know she would have loved that as you can see by some of the portraits she took of herself in between flowers around this place.
Others of her friends knew her as long as me and at least as good, perhaps even better and so I will step now back to give them a chance to add a word or two with a virtual toast
To Ame, may she be in heaven now.”
smiles to Courgan .. thanks you Courgan …can i add a word ?
“I writed a short text for our best friend Ame, we are all sad of her departure but she will keep in the eternity in our thoughts and heart, Maurice Maeterlinck, a Belgian writer of the last century said:
“Let us get used to seeing death as a form of life that we do not yet understand. Let’s learn to see it through the same eye as birth. “.
The death of a loved one is, of course, a great sadness for his family and friends.
Yet death remains a mystery. Everyone is looking for a meaning. Some believe in God and in the existence of a paradise. Others think that the soul of the deceased has another life …
To each his own ..
Our beloved, you left this world to rest in a peaceful country.
This country where you now reside, my friend Ame.
A country with blue skies from which you watch over all the loved ones you left behind in this world: your friends gathered here to pay you a last homage.
Ame has left us
She will now rest in peace in this land, her native land where her family she loved so much still lives.
It is difficult for me to pronounce this elegy, so much sadness and sorrow grips me.
Your death is our great sorrow.
Our emotion is great when it comes to saying goodbye to you. It’s hard to accept the disappearance of a loved one with whom they shared so much. Shared the moments of joy as the most difficult trials.
You were a wonderful person, always concerned with the interest and well-being of each member of his large Gorean family.
Your great human qualities and your altruism made your company sought after and appreciated. Today, your whole family miss you. They are all orphans of you and your love for them.
Your loyal and unconditional friendship will be sorely missed by your friends. You were a friend who was always available and listened to others.
You knew how to cultivate friendship wonderfully. To be your friend was to be part of your family: to be your dear brother or sister.
By leaving us on the quay of life, you left us in order to go on a journey to certainly paradisiacal countries.
Your departure has plunged us into the emotion and sadness of not seeing you in this world.
Yet each of us knows that your good deeds and great wisdom can only lead you to an afterlife of beauty, relief, and serene rest.
Dying is everyone’s fate.
No one knows at what age those days will come to an end.
Your death is a last lesson that you give to your loved ones. It gives us even more to think about the importance of living every moment to the fullest.
You have fully lived your life. You knew how to love and enjoy every moment: your family, your friends, …
“Live it, believe me, don’t wait until tomorrow; pick the roses of life today “wrote Pierre de Ronsard.
By your way of being, your relationship with others and your conception of existence made up of wisdom and respect, you have really succeeded in your life ..
Today we have to accept your death and let go.
Its possible and slow acceptance will depend on each of us, on our past, on our history, on what we are able to understand from your unexpected departure.
We have to find consolation in telling ourselves that this last trip you are taking is a trip to a deserved paradise, which no one really can talk about …
We must mourn and let you go in peace. We have to accept that death is part of the path of life. It continues and we must conceive of it as a stage in our personal destiny.
However, the death of a person cannot erase all our beautiful memories and our beautiful thoughts for them.
We will think of you, every day, with gentleness and full of love. Our loving thoughts will be with you on your new path.
The country where you live today is certainly a pain free country where love and permanent serenity reign.
Rest in country in this delicious world where, I know, you observe us and listen to us with affection.
Our tears and tears are words of love sent to heaven to cover your heart with happiness in your final abode.
I extend my deepest condolences to all your family and friends whether here on SL or real.
“We connected off and on through the years, though my leaving Gor and then SL put us out of touch for awhile. She wanted so much to be the perfect Kajira, except when she didn’t.. Finding mischief and trouble to keep it interesting was her routine. The last version of our story together was an odd one, an even then, she made even simple mundane rp pleasant and worthwhile.
I made excuses to come visit the twig of a slave girl every time i had reason to trade with or hunt the local tree urts. And she was always there, waiting for her candy or piece of pretty cloth to stash away for times her owner might not catch her. She aided me often and even had a hand in seeing me sold as war loot once.
I have thought of her often since stepping away from Rp, she was just one of those folks that made you smile. Made you want to be here and enjoying this second life. I hope her next one brings her as many smiles as she brought me.
Always sending me birds, asking when i was coming back to Gor. I’ll miss that”
“I don’t have much to contribute, but I first met Ame in Cardonicus, one of the girls who came to my bakery to get cookies every day. She was so determined to be the best Kajira she could be, and tried harder than any other girl I have met here, in SL.
She convinced me to come out of retirement to man the bakery in the Forest Outpost, and it was wonderful to have her again sneaking cookies from the jar.
To be sure she was always seeking the perfect Master, and I believe she finally found one in Courgan. I shall miss her enormously. Rest in peace, my Ame.”
Whenever we say goodbye to someone we think it is for them, and no, I think it is for us and the emptiness it leaves in us, for that reason, and I am sure she knows it, since she is on her way from somewhere else, that the blessings remain for us, and the paths unknown to her . So I consider these words for all of you, and that she will agree:
May the rains that wet you be soft and warm.
May the wind come filled with the perfume of flowers.
May the rivers be conducive to you and run to the side you want to navigate.
May the clouds cover the sun when you are alone in the desert.
Let the deserts be filled with trees when you want to cross them. Or that you find those magical plants that keep the water you need at their roots.
May the cold and snow come when you are in a warm cave.
May you never lack fire.
May you never lack water.
May you never lack love.
Maybe the fire can be started.
Maybe water can fall from the sky.
But, if you lack love, there is no water or fire enough to continue living.
this is all. Good travel Ame!”
Glances about the area, looking at everyone in doing so and says…”I do not know many of you, and most likely none of you know of me. But, I can say this much, two people in SL Gor have made a serious and genuine impact on me in terms of friendship. One is the man to my left , Zane Kanze and the other, is Ame. The last Gorean homestone I had on SL is where Ame resided. Every night when I did my guard duty, Ame would get in my IM box and asked me how I am doing. She took her role very seriously and truly cared about people.
Mоїsєs Bєиїтєz looks to Courgan and says….”I know you are suffering, but I can only imagine the depth of that suffering. I know for a fact that Ame via SL had made a positive profound impact on me during my times on SL Gor and now, unfortunately in RL. I, coming from Old Gor (aka mIRC), Ame represented that environment where I had learned of Gor. My regards and sympathy goes to you Courgan and the rest of you. Rest in Peace, Ame.”
Amethyst Tuqiri. or Ame as we all knew her.
I had the pleasure of spending a lot of time with her over the course of maybe a month. Maybe 2. Maybe less. I dont know. I was in the man village with her down below. Lydius Outpost, and in the fort nearby.
We worked together to keep Dani and her panthers out of the city. . It was often just the 2 of us, while Courgan was offline, I was blessed with permission from Courgan and Ame to be the man about the place. Ame was the slave while I was here with her. We had so much fun, and Courgan, you were her guy through all of the fun times I had with her,
She always had an idea when you would be coming online. Her little feet pitter pattered the fort and village all day long while you were away Courgan..When you came online Courgan, it was time for me to stop playing the part and her real guy to be here for her.
Ame was loyal to Courgan. She was loyal to all her home here and her friends. She was dutiful and diligent to this place and these friends of hers here.There were times she was completely alone on sim. No men. No panthers.
I really respected her loyalty to the things and people that she made her home amongst. I really enjoyed my time with her here.
May Ame rest in peace. I will miss her being there online, in this sim, and even seeing her online on my friends list meant a lot to me. I’m going to miss her, and all of that.”
The last song she requested for me to play https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRbD3ggyc7U
The little one, who came over now and then, or always offered friendly invite to come enjoy drink or see her beautiful dance, even through our minor spats, She always came back with that twinkle in her eye, bold, shining bright, just to make me smile and forget about dark days, determined, creating many laughs, she always was one of the reasons to return here, as part of Gor, Ame was dedicated, more so than even some warriors, sticking to her home, her land, an example some of us goreans forget sometimes, the meaning of loyalty…the next time you raise a drink, do it for ame, and remember ame’s way, is something Gor lacks a bit right now, drink, to the wild little daisey, shine on little diamond..,
I met her when my mom passed away in rl, she invited me to a dance contest, and loved those slave runs…All of your words triggered even more memories of her, the good one’s indeed, thank you for coming here for her and Courgan,
[2017/11/29 14:46] Amethyst Tuqiri: Happy time!
whenever working on things, she always made me smile and laugh, even when I was deep into work mode, inspiring, and just made things easier, and funner..
Her last words to me were, are you coming back to Gor master?
Here we are”
“I’m very sorry to hear what happened, Ame will be missed” “My sympathy for those who have lost today””
“To ame .. xx”
“Our time was short but she did definitely brighten my day, she will be missed all I can do is Wish her Safe Paths on the next part of her journey
Thank You Ame”
“Thank you Courgan for so many thoughtful, heart felt words. And how it would have meant so much to her to see so many of her sl friends here today. She will be so dearly missed
She was indeed mischievous, but that was Ame. She was the first person I met on SL and we dated for many years, even in GOR. I only wish I’d stayed in contact more recently to hug her and say goodbye properly.
Dear sweet Ame, be finally at peace
I too remember those days that Magaska talks about (as my Gorean Alt Freddy in Cardonicus), And she would be happy to please me with those stolen cookies. She was a mischievous character who pushed the role as slave to the limits.
But that was Ame, she was the first person I met on SL, and over many years we went through many up and downs, both in RL and SL. But the was always something that connected and kept us coming back.
I was davasted by the news and wished I’d been able to say good bye properly.
Another time Ame, another time when we will meet again.
Rest peacefully my girl, REST XXOXOX”
இگổηΐãஇ :I also have a note from N’Kara who cannot attend now, she is there yes but not really she had family needs and therefore had to leave her avatar alone with us, so I speak on her behalf:
I just want to say in the world of Gor where women were taken captive either by a raid of an enemy city or earth, Ame was true to her slave heart. Loyal to FoG and to her masters, especially Courgan. She knelt in the presence of men eager to serve as one should.
She is funny, she is warm hearted, she is the perfect Kajira. There will be a deep void, a missing heart. Her presence will be dearly missed and I will miss camming her with a chuckle.
Rest in peace, Kajira Ame.”
My own contribution:
“I did not know her as well as many of you, I know, but she was always so warm and cheerful when you spoke to her, like a ray of sunshine talking to her.
Well I believe my first encounter with ame was back in 2018, I was running my tavern, but also roaming around different places, including Dani’s camp by way of the outpost, where I met Ame
we didn’t have as many conversations as the rest of you, the were mostly just passing greetings.
But every conversation always seemed to brighten my mood.
she always seemed cheerful, which can be a challenge in some places in Gor, She was gem.
“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.”
― Richard Bach, Illusions
I met Ame once when my partner Lucius Skinstad and I were making a visit back to Gor. I was struck by how warm and endearing a person Ame was to a new person. Luc spoke so highly of her. He very much wanted to be here with you all today. On his behalf I offer the Roman support for this loss. I grieve with you
Rest in peace Ame”
“I believe you are now in better world…maybe it is Gor too….hugs dear Ame
hugs Ame ……take care all
Rest in peace Ame”
“Hmmm … you know what? Like all of you, I sat frozen as I read the message about Ame. Then I had a few difficult days, the emotions overwhelmed me every day. Then I spoke to Sonia and Courgan who told me they would be helding a speech.
So now I sat here and figured out what to say, staring at her pictures and the butterflies that Ame loved so much. One thing I knew for sure: I don’t want to say that I miss her infinitely, that she was the greatest person, that she is a great loss … pffff … No!
I looked – although various friends told me not to do it – at the old logs and you know what? Ame was never sad at all! She was funny, cheeky, creative, loyal and always cheered us up in the darkest moments. Many of the old logs made me laugh: Ame was soooo funny !! So why should we stand around here and be sad? I know how Ame would react if we did that!
Dᴀɴɪ™: >:( grr!
Magaska Haystack smiles
Dᴀɴɪ™: Exactly … be happy, cheeky, enjoy every free minute here with your friends. And if you are not happy, do it like Ame! If you don’t know how to grrrr … ask me. I can show you!
Dᴀɴɪ™: >:( grr!
I have known Ame, like many of you, for over 12 years. And Cardonicus, like Ame, is always present in our memories and heart. So: don’t be sad for too long, but do what Ame expects from us all: grab your friends, be cheeky, creative and play together as one big family. In this sense, Ame will always be between us in the future and push us to have joy and make new friends every single day! And now I close my little speech, knowing it is in Ames’ sense with an animation that she gifted me once:
I hope no one will spank me now… but THIS was Ame!!!
**Well he asked for it**
♫♩The wonderful thing about tiggers ♫♩
♫♩is that Tiggers are a wonderful things ♫♩
♫♩Their tops are made out of rubber ♫♩
♫♩Their bottoms are made out of strings ♫♩
♫♩Bouncy, clowncy, clowncy, clowncy, fun, fun, fun ♫♩
♫♩But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers ♫♩
♫♩That I’m the only one ♫♩
♫♩ I’m the only one ♫♩
RIP my supa dupa Amekins!!! Looove you!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
((end of my speech and crying lol))”
Responses to Dani’s speech:
Maz: OMG lol yep, that be the girl
Magaska Haystack smiles
Zane Kanze: Skall! the little weed that blossomed to a fine flower <3 XoxoX
Yale Corvale: Lovely Dani, and so appropriate
Maz: thank you for that dani, really